Imagine a Jesus-Shaped Small Group

I invite you to imagine yourself in the following scene:

With a sense of anticipation, you walk up the path to the front door of David and Emily’s house for a small group meeting. Your best friend Chris has been leading this group for the last nine months, and you are keen to see how it operates. 

David warmly greets you and walks with you into the front lounge room. Following his subtle hand gesture, you settle into a comfortable single-seat sofa. To your left are David and Emily, then next to them and across from you is a double-seat sofa where Annabelle and Brian have balanced a baby monitor on the left armrest. The circle is completed on your right with two dining chairs for Matthew and your friend Chris. A coffee table in the middle has a series of mugs balanced around the edges, and a plate in the middle offers some slices of chocolate cake.

Chris welcomes everyone and opens in prayer: “Jesus, thank you that you are with us all the time. This evening as we gather in your name, help us to be especially aware of your loving presence. Bring to our mind your words you want us to remember. Guide our thoughts, conversation, prayers and plans that we might become more like you and live more fully for you. Amen”

“So as we enter into our time together, would anyone like to share how things have gone over the last two weeks?”

Across from you, Annabelle says, “I just loved the community meal we had here last weekend. There was a real buzz around the house, a diversity of people, and great food.”

Brian adds, “And I had a great conversation with Brendan about how his life is going. He opened up about some of his challenges. Amazingly, he accepted my offer to pray for him. We moved just over there near the dining room for a bit of privacy. It was the first time I had ever offered prayer to a non-Christian, and he seemed really appreciative.”

Chris smiles. “That is fantastic—well done! Let’s pray that all of us might have opportunities to do that. Now, last meeting I discerned we needed to take a different approach to the catering to make it easier for us and community members. How do you think it went?”

On your left, David answers, “Well it was certainly easier for us. We just put three trays of potatoes in the oven, added some dressing to the bags of premixed coleslaw, poured some grated cheese into bowls, and waited to see what other toppings people would bring.”

Emily adds, “And I loved the Ragu that Annabelle brought.”

“Well actually, Brian cooked the Ragu,” says Annabelle, tapping him on the knee. “I had been up most of the night with Madeleine. She is teething.” Smiles at the misunderstanding turn into looks of concern, and people pause to pray for Brian, Annabelle, and Madeleine.

After the “amen,” Chris turns to the right. “Matthew, I appreciate your quiet observations. What did you see at the community meal?”

“Well, I thought the idea of us inviting people to bring toppings to go on the baked potatoes worked well. I even noticed that Graham from the public housing block brought a small tin of home-brand baked beans. I reckon it helped him feel included.”

“So should we try a similar thing again next time?” Chris surveys the group, and everyone nods in agreement. “What should we try as a base?”

Annabelle says, “Well it is going to be at our place, and we have a large rice cooker. So how about we try rice.” 

“Rice it is,” says Chris. Then he changes subjects. ““OK, so does anyone want to report back on how they went with any other plans from last time?”

“Well, I’m happy to do that” says David. “Last time God was speaking to me out of Isaiah 6 about the whole earth being full of God’s glory. and I was aiming to think about God’s glory and presence each time I went outside. I did pretty well for the first week but I tailed off last week. Then on Sunday, Brian mentioned that Rich Mullins song ‘Everywhere I Go I See You,’ that has really helped over the last couple of days.”

Your head turns to your right as Chris asks: “So as you reflect on that, has anything changed for you?”

Your head swivels back to David.

“Well, on the days when I was paying attention to God’s presence more, it seemed like I was carried through the day more. It felt like God was with me and sustaining me, and I was even a bit more joyful”

“So do you have any sense of what’s next?”

“I want to persist with this until it becomes more of an ingrained habit in my life”

“Fantastic. I’ll be praying that God helps you with that” Chris then turns to the wider group. “These have been some great reflections. Would anyone like to raise anything else?”

After a few moments of silence that always seem longer than they really are, Emily says, “I found the lead up to the community meal a bit challenging. The start time was 6 pm, but Mabel and Ian turned up at 5:20. We weren’t fully prepared. Our son’s basketball gear was draped over this sofa. And we still had dirty plates from lunch on the kitchen bench.”

“Ok” says Chris. After a moment’s consideration, he continues. “This might be worth processing around the Learning Circle. Would you be open for that?”

Emily agrees.

Chris looks around the group “Hey, let’s all be open to God prompting us with an insight or a word of encouragement or wisdom for Emily.”

“So what did you observe within yourself?”

“Well, although I didn’t show it on the outside, I was embarrassed on the inside. Then Mabel and Ian were so nice, and without a fuss they went into the kitchen and started washing the plates so we would have enough for everyone when they arrived. And weirdly that made me feel even worse”

“So as you reflect on the incident, can you identify any other emotions in addition to the embarrassment?”

“I guess there was a sense of inadequacy… and maybe even a sense that I had failed.”

“What do you think might be underneath all that?”

Emily pauses in thought.

David gently says, “One of the things I appreciate about you is how you put on great dinner parties. Everything is arranged perfectly, and you take great pride in putting them on. I wonder if maybe you were thinking of our community meal as a dinner party with all the expectations that come with that.”

“Mmm, maybe you are right.”

Chris asks, “Can you think of an instance where someone arriving unannounced doesn’t cause that sort of internal response?”

“Oh that’s easy. When my sister drops by.”

“So what might be different between your sister arriving and Mabel and Ian arriving?”

“Well my sister is family…”

Wisely Chris lets the words hang in the air as Emily does some internal processing. 

“Do you have any ponderings about how you respond differently to your sister compared with other arrivals that you would be comfortable to share?”

Emily says, “I feel there is something around how I want people to perceive me. We had a time when my sister lived with me, and so having her around became normal. It wasn’t a special event. And I couldn’t keep up appearances 24/7. My sister just got us as we were. I think there is also something about me meeting my own internal expectations about how my house will look for visitors.”

Chris looks around the group and asks, “Does anyone have wisdom or encouragement about this for Emily?”

Annabelle says, “Emily, I just want to encourage you that God is a God of grace and that He wants you to receive that grace again, and for you to extend grace to yourself as well.”

“Thanks,” says Emily.

Chris says, “OK, Emily I really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing. So the first question is, out of all that reflection and discussion and based on what you already know about God and his Word, what might God be wanting to say to you about this? Could you try and put it into words?”

After some more internal processing, Emily says, “Maybe God is saying to me ‘Relax, I’m with you, I love you, I’ve got you, and I have grace for you as you welcome people into your life.’”

“That’s great. That sounds insightful and encouraging. The second question is what step of faith might you take in response.”

Another positive silence before Emily answers: “Well, the next time someone comes to the door, I am going to try and have a quick internal check and put the state of the house to one side—whether it is ready or unready—and focus on welcoming them into my life rather than on whether I am presenting well”

“Wow, that sounds like a rich response, and definitely achievable. Who might you like to encourage you and check in with how you go with that?”

Emily turns to David, “Well, honey maybe you can ask how I have gone with that after the next time we have some visitors to our house.”

“Sure, would love to,” says David, squeezing her hand.

Chris looks around the group and is about to start speaking again, but before his next word, a long and loud cry emanates from the baby monitor. With the speed of a first-time parent, Brian leaps to his feet and goes to the spare room to tend to Madeline.

Chris tries again. “All that sharing and the processing has been great. I want now to move on to what I had planned for us to look at this evening. And that was for us to spend some time unpacking last Sunday’s sermon. Because of the time we have already spent sharing, I think we will condense some of the questions we would otherwise have looked at so hopefully we can at least get to do some unpacking. 

“I just wanted to check—were you at the service, or did you get a chance to catch up with the YouTube recording?” 

Everyone indicates that they had.

“Well before we start, a quick recap. The sermon covered Mark 7:1-23, which is when the Pharisees and teachers of the law asked Jesus about why his disciples were eating food with defiled/unwashed hands. Jesus then goes on to challenge them from Isaiah about them honoring God with the lips but their hearts being far from him and their teaching being mere human rules. 

“Jesus gives the example of how people found a loophole to avoid honoring their parents, which at the very least included financially supporting them. The loophole they used was vowing to give your possessions to God. Since the law also said you couldn’t break your vows, that meant you couldn’t break your vow by giving some of your possessions to your parents. 

“When there is an over emphasis on externalities, that leads to people finding ways to keep the letter of the law but avoiding the spirit or intention of the law. 

“Then Jesus said, ‘Nothing outside a person can defile them by going into them. Rather, it is what comes out of a person that defiles them.’

“When Jesus was with his small group, he then unpacked the parable with them, hopefully just like we are going to now.

“Now the sermon included some great illustrations and examples but that was a quick summary.

“So first, from an understanding the content point of view, what things stood out to you from the sermon?”

David says, “I think it was the way sin was described as uncleanness. And that is a different emphasis from the guilt approach to sin that has been the main emphasis in the churches I have grown up in.”

Annabelle adds, “And I had never really thought about how in our culture it is often said that a person who has done something bad is still really a good person, but that there is still a trace of this understanding left in the phrase ‘that action was a stain on their character.’”

Emily says, “I hadn’t really taken much notice of what Jesus taught his small group with the list of things that come out of a person that make them unclean. But it was interesting in the 12 items that were listed, some were more obviously connected to the 10 Commandments, and some of them were singular events like murder, and some of them more general, like envy or arrogance.”

“Those are some great points,” said Chris. “I want to shift gears from head - what the passage was about - to heart - what did we feel like was specifically speaking to us. Might someone like to share something at that level?”

You look across the circle and notice Michael seems to be deep in thought. Chris notices it too and gently encourages the often-reticent Michael. “Hey Michael, no stress, but did you have anything you would like to share?”

“I was really struck by folly on the list of 12,” says Michael. “I reckon I had never thought about folly leading to sin. I thought I wasn’t foolish. But when the preacher explained that folly can be a lack of understanding or a lack of perspective, that challenged me. I think I am guilty of that.”

“Wow, OK. Have you been able to identify any specific moments?”

“Well I have been thinking about two instances. The first was with my sister. We were around at mum’s a while ago for a family get-together, and I was short with her about helping with the dinner. A few days later, I found out that she had been up early that day to take her neighbor to the hospital for an operation, done a full day’s work, and then come to the family dinner exhausted. Looking back, I guess there were clues in her body language, but I just didn’t pick up on them.

“The second one is about one of my work colleagues. We have different political views, and it is one of the few times I tend to speak up and express my views. And often I’m not meek or mild. I haven’t really been listening to him.”

“So what I hear you saying is that in these instances you have lacked some emotional awareness and intellectual curiosity. Would that be right?”

“Yeah.”

“And that folly has led to ways of relating to them that could have been better?”

“Yeah, that’s right”

“So how might you put into words what God has been stirring in your heart?”

“It might be something like God encouraging me that I will benefit from having a wider perspective about what is going on in people’s lives. And I think a simple thing I can do is ask God to help me look and listen more. So I am going to program my phone to remind me to do that at the beginning of each day.”

“Thanks Michael for that. I think you have unpacked and applied that aspect of the sermon really well. I love your smart use of your smartphone.”

Chris checks the clock on the wall. “With all the rich discussion we had earlier, I think we will need to finish that discussion there. 

“Before we close, I want to give everyone a moment to think about the ‘What is God saying to me?’ and ‘What step of faith am I going to take in response?’ questions.”

In the silence, you notice that silence is also coming from the spare bedroom.

“OK,” says Chris. “Emily and Michael, do you have anything to add about your two questions?”

They answer at the same time with two no’s in stereo.

“What about anyone else?”

Annabelle says, “Well I was struck by the dinner party presentation versus welcoming people into family that David and Emily were talking about. I think I was unconsciously approaching the next community meal as a dinner party, and I need to adjust my approach to that.”

At that moment, Brian tiptoes back into the room with a “finally she is asleep” look on his face.

“Welcome back Brian. We are just sharing about the two questions”

“Ah that’s easy. When Emily was talking about pausing before welcoming people into her home, I was reminded of that topic we discussed a couple of months ago about when you welcome little people you are also welcoming the Father and the Son. I have gotten out of the habit of that and need to get back into it.”

“Excellent. Now, let’s finish with some prayer. Let’s pray for each other about the two questions. What else can we pray for each other about our FOR God lives in the next two weeks?”

Annabelle says, “I am worship leading on Sunday for the first time since Madeleine was born, and I would appreciate all the prayer I can get.”

David says, “Let’s pray for the community meal at Brian and Annabelle’s.”

Emily says, “You could pray for me and Mabel as we do our second discovery Bible study with Karen and Amy. Pray that they really begin to discover who Jesus is.”

Brian says, “I am leading a strategic review process at work next week and really need God’s help to do it well so we can find a way to help the company get through its current difficulties.”

The groups starts to pray. You close your eyes appreciative of the rich interactions you have just witnessed. And although you have been mostly silent to this point, you now join in fervently praying for God to work in them and through them in the coming week.

———

Thanks for entering this scene with your God-given imagination. This imaginary small group scene has been inspired by what I have observed in small groups that attempt to copy the features of Jesus’ small group as described in the Gospels. Details and names have been changed, and interactions condensed. 

I have also chosen to describe a group that has a mixture of men and women as well as people at different life stages. This reflects my experience of some small groups, but I also do so with the hope that people would find participants they could identify with. Your church may have a different approach to the makeup of small groups. But whatever your group is like, it is possible to cultivate dynamics like those described above.